God fucking dammit! What the fuck!! Why is blogging so hard. This blog should be a complaining blog, because seriously, I cannot handle the stress of trying to make this perfect. So apparently I can only 'follow' other blogs that use BLOGGER. Or 'blogspot' whatever google has decided to call it. Why is there no search engine on the dashboard that enables you to look up specific areas of interest? Why did they NOT think that was a good idea? Because now my options are either trawling through the thousands of christian faith/ stay-at-home-mum blogs by clicking 'next blog', or searching google for 'good blogs to follow on blogger'. Neither choice so far has yielded many results or much satisfaction. I just feel like this whole blogging thing isn't for me. I've tried and I've tried to get into it, make it a rule to blog every day...be more creative, but as soon as it gets too stressful or an obstacle falls in my path, I drop everything and can't come on here for days. For example, having such a small bedroom (downgrading from a large lounge room at my old house) is a real hinderance. It is constantly not just messy, but 100% chaotic. I mean, my rooms have always been like crazy op-shops, but this is beyond a joke.

Here is what my old bedrooms were like.

(Year 6 & 7)

In the middle of moving stuff around (year 8 or 9)

Generally fucked up looking at the start of college..

More of the same

How my room was when i left.

Creative things from today.

Day one of trying to be creative and generally more hard working resulted in two pictures. The first one is of my friend Hannah Foley, who is an accomplished musician and asked me to do this drawing her for a poster. This one is just a draft, I don't think she's seen it yet (it's on facebook though so you never know). Anyway, I am hoping to do a few more of people, since it's something I don't often do. Anyone that wants a picture done of themselves should send me one and I will put it up :)

I like the idea of combining products with the picture, like fake advertising. I draw pictures of perfume bottles as well and it would be nice to combine the the two one time. I guess I'll upload the others now...

Rough goal guide.

I'm wanting to incorporate a bit more of a routine into my lifestyle. I want something solid that i can stick to and hopefully not be tempted to waver from. So I am guessing (and hoping really) that I will be working most nights so I can be bringing in some savings. This means I will (in theory) have the mornings and afternoons free for creative endeavors. Here is a list of things I want to do more of generally, and which I think might aid my vision.

1. Read more books. Self-help, non-fiction, auto-biographies, biographies and maybe even a bit of relevant fiction.
2. Be more healthy. Not eat so much crap, not eat so much. Drink more water and tea.
3. Write constantly, any time I have an idea. Keep my notebook with me at all times where possible, make it a habit to keep a pen on me. Don't be embarrassed about what I'm writing, just do it.
4. Much less Facebook. It seems to be one of my main sources of anguish these days. I'd love to give it a good rest.
5. Familiarise myself more with the blogging sphere. Update posts regularly, gain followers and network with people. Follow more blogs myself.
6. Focus on this like it's all I ever want (because it kind of is)
7. Stop wasting money on things that don't matter, or on food, when I am feeling depressed or bored.
8. Try and keep my mind on these goals and writing and focussing on this at work, instead of just zoning out. Every moment is worth using usefully.
9. Stop fucking up everything. Think before I do and say things. (yeah right like that's ever going to happen.)

I'll add to this later.

Don't start tomorrow, start now.

Today I met with a guy named Woody, the founder and editor of Sneaker Freaker magazine. 

I was lucky enough to scam this meeting through a friend of my step-dad's, who works in the graphic design field.

Despite the fact that today has been absolutely horrendous and basically I can't imagine feeling much worse or more confused/ between a rock and a hard place, I am going to push on and try focussing on this, because it's very important to me. Maybe forgetting about all the other shit for a few days will somehow help. It certainly can't get much worse.

So anyway, here is some of the advice and basic industry background knowledge I received (or what information I managed to take from the conversations, anyway). Hopefully i will be able to apply as much of this as possible, and put this into practical means.

First of all, and also most dishearteningly, magazines, and other print media in general, are on the rapid decline. Woody told me this on the phone when I first contacted him, but you know, I'm not just going to take that bullet at voice value (haha, get it). While this should be a great hinderance to me I feel like, 

a) I'm way too far into this already to give up now (AKA I have no back up plan) and, 

b) I need to be open-minded and positive about the way things can turn out. I mean, he honestly thinks that magazines will pretty much be non-existent in 20 years time, or at the very most, a 'luxury' and I really can't stand the idea of living in a world like that. So it's my responsibility to make sure that either that doesn't happen (good luck) or just modifying my vision slightly to suit the modern, and rapidly changing, world of publishing. 

He also mentioned that a lot of the publishing nowadays goes on in Sydney (for those of you who don't know, this is Australia's try-hard capital city...not that I can really judge, I've never been there...) This is where the Australian associated press (Fairfax, News corporation, Harris Group) head offices are located. So basically if I wanted to work for a magazine, then really I should consider moving to Sydney. Or even London, where things don't seem to be as glum (in the publishing world at least, haha).

Another thing to start focussing on is what it is I actually want to do. Like, I say I want to be the 'editor of a magazine', but really, I have little or no idea of what this role even roughly entails. I've been bluffing. Woody, as the 'editor' and founder (he wouldn't like me saying that, he thinks it sounds wanky, haha) basically put, is the boss. So although he may not do much writing himself, or taking the photos, he still has a lot of creative control. He helps out with art direction (which has a lot to do with the layout, photography, graphic design and text design/layout.) From what I can gather, most of the jobs in the magazine take some kind of a collaborative effort, with a lot of back and for-thing, re-touching, editing and drafts. This is what I was expecting so it was good to hear that from an expert. I still don't know what it is specifically that I want to do, but I assume that will come with some practical hands-on experience either as an intern, TAFE, or at a Uni of some kind.

That leads me onto his next bit of advice, don't go to school, at least, not if I want to write. Being unsure about which realm I want to dip into first, I am reluctant to take this advice and run with it, and as he pointed out, you do need to be quite proficient in your computer and graphic design skills to make it within and inch of a magazine office. So really, the highlighted advice in this column for me personally should have been, go to graphic design school if you want to make it within even an inch of a magazine publishing office. 

He suggested that hands-on, practical experience is most often the best way to learn things. This is why an internship, or even just hanging around the offices of some locally based magazine would be most beneficial, and perhaps more-so than listening to a teacher talk about design principles. Having said that, it is worth mentioning a quote that wasn't exactly said to me like this, google helped out;  “In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: ten thousand hours.”- This is a quote from the book Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell.

Outliers (upon closer google inspection,) seems to be worth reading, and is generally about how to achieve ultimate success. The idea is that, if you practice something for 10,000 hours, you will always be good at it. And so the philosophy here is, effort, discipline , and dedication. This is kind of what I am scared of. I have been known to procrastinate... hell, the whole time i've been writing this I've been procrastinating! But this is the purpose of this blog. I need to make more of a genuine effort, and work harder, that is, after all, why I got a job that offers night shifts.

Woody mentioned that it is definitely worth getting more acquainted with blogging, the internet and the digital world in general. So this is me making and effort to do that. I am just going to look past the fact I'm pretty terrible at HTMLing, and that I feel uncomfortable working with something I can't physically move around in front of me with my hands. Because let's face it, I'm never going to be able to run/work for a magazine that scans collages for the layout (at least not fundamentally). Spelling and grammar is also a big thing, I mean, I'm pretty slack in my zine because a) I can't be fucked and b) it kind of gives it an underground edge (this is really just and excuse, honestly I'm just lazy, refer to reason a).

The last tip that Woody gave me, which really is the most obvious one, but always important, is that you need to be keen. Really keen. Luckily that didn't come as a shock to me, and one thing that I am probably better at than most things is having a passion for this. 

So, where to go from here? I have insider advice, and although it is a lot to take in and consider, challenges are good things and you know, he really emphasised taking it day by day. By all means set goals, but you need to think about the short term as well. You know, tomorrow, next week, next month, and then next year. Despite the fact I still don't specifically have an idea about what I want to do, at least I have some means through which I can achieve something like it :)

New year and new ideas

It's been a while since I've posted on here. much has happened in the months past. For example, I now live in Melbourne. I don't have a job yet but I applied for 15 yesterday, so fingers crossed.
Anyway, I'm sure your not really intersted in that info. My idea came to me yesterday, when I was wandering around fairly aimlessly in the city and kept seeing so many too-fucking-cute people (some boys but mainly girls) wearing their lil outfits and their sweet fashion and accessories. I also saw some really fucked up looking people on the flinders street station steps...but that's another story.
So the idea is this: wander around appearing to be aimless , but with the aim of finding some more cute people (I don't believe this will be hard) and then ask to take their photo for this blog. I know it's been done countess times before, but I think this will add a dimension to my blog, and make it more interactive. Instead of me just blabbing on about what i did on th weekend (because let's face it, who cares).
I could make little business cards adverstising my zine on them so I have percieved credibility hehe. And then have this blo an also Panny's facebook page on them. You know, if I can't afford to print a zillion copies of Penny I should at least promote/update it via the internet. Which is something I'd never wanted to resign to but I guess it's necessary to maintain some motivation and keep focussed on this project.
So basically watch this space (but not too eagerley).
India x

The only place where I can rant and rave about politics and not piss people off……because if you don’t like it then stop reading!!!!!!!!

Will Hodgman- whiney as fuck little private school boy, does not understand anything and like most liberal candidates, spends the majority of his time telling everyone else what they are doing wrong without actually providing a viable or educated solution or counter argument. Really hope he is not reading this. Might try and woodchip me.

Thumbs up or down? Definitely a big thumbs down.

Nick McKim- have mixed feelings about this dude. Generally have a favourable disposition to anyone in the greens, however lately have lost a bit of faith in him since mostly he just talks and not much action, although I understand that he is Lara Gidding’s bitch for a reason.

Thumbs up or down? At this point, up. I appreciate that he admitted he made a mistake with the schools thing, shows he has a heart. Should not have gone into politics for this reason.

Lara Giddings- just because someone is a woman does not mean they are great (Julia Gillard is a good example). After I heard the condescending way she spoke to colony 47 people on the news I formed an intense dislike for her. However I do not think she will go to hell for her sins.

Thumbs up or thumbs down? I know this is cheating, but I’m gonna have to say inbetween.

Andrew Wilkie- MY HERO!!!!! Fucking love this guy! Probably the only local politician I like at all. What does he stand for? Pokie reforms, banning live export, transparency and honesty in politics, and so far, everything that has come out of him mouth, I agree with! Never felt this way before…..could it be love? (sorry Nick) okok Don’t worry Andrew, I am not a home-wrecker. Anyway! Vote Wilkie!

Thumbs up or down? I regret to say that on the day of writing this article, Andrew Wilkie actually said something I didn’t like ): so it’s a thumbs down…… KIDDING! AN ENTHUSIASTIC THUMBS UP! :D you rule and I hope you read this!

David Bartlett- don’t care how much shit he got for anything he did while he was in power, I like him, I think he is a really nice guy and the media is good at spinning things (does not apply for Liberals since they own everything). An added bonus is that he mentioned me in a speech to some students for a presentation night (because I was all up in arms about school uniforms at leavers dinners), however I think he is better off in IT.

Thumbs up or down? Thumbs up!

Sneaka peek- Penny #4

Lover I don’t have to love

Someone once said to me “love is the biggest time waster”. At first I denied the truth of it, furiously, thinking to myself quietly, “Yeah but Love CAN be useful, like John and Yoko? They used their love to actually do something. People don’t see their love as a waste of time, in fact, they were a force to be reckoned with.” MOST BEATLES FANS WOULD NOT AGREE WITH THIS LOGIC! In fact, quite the opposite. 

Not just content with Splitting up the world’s most famous band, additionally, Yoko made John stay in bed all day with her and talk about an ideal world where animals and humans from all walks of life may live in peace and harmony blah blah blah. If this scenario sounds familiar, like it does to me, then you are in for some bad news. My friend was right, love IS the biggest time waster. 

Love is only groundbreaking, useful or helpful if you are famous, or you are somehow contributing to society in some amazing way, like feeding homeless people because you are inspired by that special someone to make the world a better place. Ok, maybe a bit of an overstatement, but if that ‘special someone’ is turning you into a jealous pathetic fatty with no friends, then maybe it’s time to get out. 

In my year and some months relationship I have missed more parties, opportunities to see friends and/or recreational drug and alcohol abuse + teenage adventuring than I should have. I really believe that. It’s not that we couldn’t have done these things together. 

The problem was, and is, that given the choice, I’d rather curl up in bed and talk about the aforementioned ‘perfect’ society (you know, the only where animals don’t die etc) than go out and destroy brain cells with my friends (like I should be). It’s now at that critical point where it wreaks havoc on my self-esteem, productivity not to mention attractiveness (hello unshaved legs). I’m not proud of it, obviously, but basically it’s the choice between being single and getting my old life back or keeping that person that means so much but wallowing (occasionally) in a frustratingly comfortable middle-class nothingness. The feeling of being empty and complete at the same time (which is the worst type of either, as it’s a greedy, ungrateful emptiness, or an incomplete ‘complete’) And whenever these feelings arrive- it’s straight back to the source of the anguish, like a drug addict, itchy not to miss a fix. Unstoppable and lusting for that feeling of understanding and unconditional love. NOOO! 

When in the past I would have actually gone out, got drunk- and got over it, I now just leave it stewing in a pot hoping I won’t bubble over when someone asks why I didn’t  go to the Cygnet Folk Festival. Is it wrong for an 18 year old to feel like they are ‘settling down’?

Something about that phrase in conjunction with my relationship status makes me reel. Could it really be the case that I would actually prefer to be single? After a day of comfort eating, walking around my room, looking at things and crying because no-one will reply to my texts, I finally sat down and wrote this article, one of it’s kind in many moons. And this pitiful bid to get people to feel sorry for me and forget that I’ve neglected them the past few months is the most proactive I’ve been for Penny for ages. Literally. It makes me feel sick in the stomach. 

SO, to anyone out there- in particular my past or future single self: One GREAT thing about being solo is that, for some reason you always seem to have the drive, passion, creativity and independence to do whatever the fuck you want when you are single- and I don’t just mean in that ‘Night out with the gals spotting man candy’ way. 

What I mean is that because you will have learned to get out of a rut (whether it be creative, social- whatever) independently or with a little help from your friends, you attain a belief in yourself that a boyfriend or girlfriend, unfortunately, cannot give you, but that you end up giving yourself, after walking along the long and winding road- by yourself.